My baby is 5 months old!

5 days old

Wow! I cannot believe how fast time has gone. She was just a tiny puddle laying on my chest just yesterday and now she is so big sitting up on her own and interested in everything around her! This is the fastest she will ever grow in her life and it makes me sad. It is so hard to remember every detail because one day she is looking and acting completely different!

5 months old!

So this month has been great! It has gone by the fastest! Like I said she is sitting up on her own now. She can grab things that she wants, she found her feet and loves to play with them, and she found her voice again. She was really talkative a while back and then went through a pretty quiet phase. But the past 2 weeks she likes to talk to anyone and everyone. She is very curious about EVERYTHING. She always has her eyes on what Chris and I are doing. It is so fun to watch her learning things. I still think she is teething which means she probably isn't lol. I dont know... sometimes I think I can feel them and then other days I don't anymore. She likes to chew on frozen things anyways so I keep letting her. Today I froze my orange peels and she really loved gnawing on those!

We have been going through sleep training this month. She will be so tired but will fight taking naps or going to bed so we started putting her to bed or nap after nursing and singing to her and then letting her cry until she falls asleep. It has been so hard on me! It is really hard to hear your baby crying like that especially when they start crying harder and harder. But we have to be consistent. The only thing with that is that she isn't consistent. Usually she falls asleep while nursing and all i have to do is lay her down and we are good so I don't have very many opportunities to let her cry it out and learn that she needs to go to sleep. So she is still crying almost every time it happens. This past week however she has been fighting sleep more and more. So we have been having a crying session at least once a day and they are getting shorter each time. Like tonight she cried 5 minutes then fell asleep : )

Another icky part of the napping situation is that we live in a studio so it is hard to keep a quiet house while she is falling asleep which can make it harder since she can hear us talking or moving around. But hopefully we will be moving soon and that will be changing. Part of me wants to make it silent for her but then I think about people before us or the millions now who live in one room homes do it. There is no way they were silent for hours everyday just to let the baby sleep. The baby would just get used to sleeping with noise. And so will Sammy. She can sleep through noise pretty well already; its just the falling asleep when she wants to be involved that's not settling well with her at the moment.

ECing is still going great. I am not sure if I have said this before but it is just part of our life. I don't think about it any more than I think of any of her other needs and we don't spend gobs of time doing it. I think about the same way other parents think about changing their babes. She loves being dry and I love her being dry and so that is what we aim for but sometimes we have misses and we clean her up give her a new diaper and move on. Easy Peasy!

Actually I have noticed this past month that we are getting better at our catch rate. We only have a 1 or 2 misses on an average day and have been dry most nights since coming back from kids camp! I am at the point where I need to wash our diapers because they can't sit that long without being washed not because I am running out. This last time our stash of diapers lasted us 2 and 1/2 weeks and we had a couple extra misses due to traveling mishaps. Those diapers really needed to be washed at that point!!!

I really want to become more dependent on training pants instead of diapers but i only have 4 and for some reason Sammy really likes to pee in them. It may just be coincidence but she pees in them pretty quickly after I put them on and since i have 4 I usually do diapers after that. So I am hoping to find some time to make some homemade ones so that she can get used to them. They are so stinking cute in her little bum!!!

Chris' new job required us to go to the bay area last week which was awesome!!! Our first mini trip as a family. We stayed in a hotel within walking distance to the ocean! Woo hoo! Saw a beautiful sunset and got to find some neat geocaches.

Oh and not sure if I ever followed up with my back wrapping issue but we finally figured it out. Just needed a good wrap! A very kind lady from the Sacramento Baby Wearers group is letting me borrow one of hers until I can buy one of my own and once I had that I got it down. We have been LOVING the back wrap since!

Here are the 5 month shots...so cute!

New, New, New!!!

Sorry I have been absent for a while. So much has been going on it has been way to hard to find a chunk of time to write about it.

First of all husband has a new job! Well technically he has had it for about 6 weeks or so but he is finally able to start working. I won't bore you with all the details (although I actually find them quite interesting but I don't think everyone will!) so basically he is a construction inspector. It was a miracle how he got the job and it was absolute perfect timing! Usually it takes 1-2 years to get this job and he got it almost immediately! However the work did not so we have been barely squeezing by with his part time job at Starbucks...yuk! And just when our accounts were running dry he finished the certifications he needed and was called out to Southern California for at least 2 weeks! Which is awesome and very sad at the same time because unfortunately we cannot afford for me to go out there with him just yet. So after 2 weeks we will see what happens. We are very excited for this job because it will allow us to hopefully by property and or land way sooner than we would have hoped for. We want to buy everything in cash and not get into any debt. This is very important to us and now we this is a near possibility!

But I miss my husband very very much! We have not been away from each other for a whole day since we first started courting in January 2011! And now he is gone for a minimum of two whole long dreadful weeks. This is not very easy for me. Actually that doesn't even sound accurate to what I am feeling. If you want me to get real honest I ache for him. I miss his warmth at night and his body up against mine when we sleep. I miss his hugs and his man voice. I miss having him here to talk to. I miss making food for him or cleaning for him. I feel like I am in mourning over him! It is very hard not to cry at any moment in the day. I yearn for him so deeply it hurts me so much. When we skype or talk on the phone I can't stop crying. This is very difficult for me and this is only the end of day 3. Each day seems to get slightly easier but it is still incredibly painful. All this may sound silly, especially to those I know whose husbands have been or will be gone for much much longer. Kudos to you all! I seriously have no idea how you not only do it but seem to be fine doing so! Eventually with what has been prophesied over Chris it is very possible that I might have to face an even longer time away from him or even losing him completely and while I ultimately want the Lord's will I pray that it won't be so.

There is a very good thing coming from this already that I realized almost immediately. At first i was almost reprimanding myself for being so attached to Chris but then the Lord showed me his purpose for my pain. he reminded me of when the Pharisees were asking Jesus why his disciples do not fast. And he replied saying why would they fast why I am with them. But there would be a day when he would leave and they would fast waiting for his return. And then in Romans 8 when it says that the whole creation groans and suffers pains in waiting for Jesus. I am feeling this intense groaning in my bones for my husband but it is for the purpose of feeling that pain for Jesus. I feel such a loss without Chris. My favorite part of the day is when he comes home and with him being gone I feel like my day is almost pointless. I am still serving him and honoring him by keeping our home ready for his return and taking care of his daughter but it just doesn't feel the same without him here. This lack is absolutely miniscule compared to our lack without Christ. And what I am feeling is so completely overwhelming I cannot imagine our true lack that we are suffering currently while we wait for Christ's return. I am so excited for that day just like I am excited for when Chris and I will be reunited. But our reunion with Christ will be so much greater!

The whole picture of Christ leaving Earth by dying on the cross and then his ascension into heaven and then his eventual return just makes so much more sense to me now. The Lord is slowly revealing more and more to me through each emotion I am having. While it hurts so bad it is amazing to see and know the Lord even more because as much as I love Chris, I am not living for him. I am living for Christ. I am suffering for Christ. I am groaning and suffering pains for Christ. My soul is anxiously waiting for the return of my bridegroom! This is so intense!!! I wish there were better words to describe it although it probably wouldn't make much difference since it is totally the Lord giving me this revelation. Anyways...

Chew, Chew, Chew!

I am almost certain that my daughter is teething! She has been showing signs for about a month now, but these last 2 weeks and then especially these last couple of days have been a bit more intense. Yesterday she was very cranky and at one point couldn't be calmed which is very unlike her. And touching her gums made it worse. Today I can feel a hard bump right where I think the first tooth is coming in and her gums feel different. Poor baby, I was hoping she would be one of the babies that teething doesn't really affect them. It is also hard on me because Chris and I don't want to give her any medicine. We want her to learn to deal with pain and not try to run from it. So I am giving her fingers and toys to chew chew chew! My knuckles have started getting sore from all the chewing! She seemed better today in her mood but I still am hoping that tooth will just come through already. Then we will have another new experience I am sure with her biting me while nursing. One day at a time!

Teething has made her cues to potty and nurse still a little hard to read lately. So for pottying we decided to start taking her every 45 minutes unless she does cue. And it has worked amazingly! Today she was in the same diaper all day long until I was on the phone with Chris and then she wet another one when we were serving at our old church in the baby class ( I couldn't leave to potty her so unfortunately she had to just use her diaper)

Still rolling over!

Last weekend was my best friend's wedding! She was absolutely beautiful and so was the wedding. I was her Matron of honor which was a huge honor for me! But it was another new experience for me. The day of the wedding Chris was so awesome and took care of Sammy all day! But he doesn't have boobs...in case you didn't know lol...so I had to nurse her every once and a while and it was never good timing of course. So she would get quick mini feeds here and there. Although she didn't seem to mind so much since she was having so much fun with dad and all the people she saw. But by the reception my boobs sure did mind! They were so full and hard and rushed to get my food right after the bride and groom so I could get some sweet release! It was hard splitting my attention between my friend and my daughter. Thankfully she also had her sister as her other maid of honor so I wasn't responsible for everything! I did make some pretty cute head bands that I learned how to do from a website linked from pinterest. I will have to attach pictures later!

Playing with Daddy!

So now I am trying to stay busy so that I don't cry all day long. Hopefully I will get in some sewing projects tomorrow! And then next week Sammy and I are going to Kid's camp through our old church. That should really help keep my mind a little distracted! It will also be my first trip of any kind ECing Sammy. But I think it will go fine since I won't actually be a counselor. I am very excited...I think I was born to live permanently at camp! Its probably one of my favorite places in the world that I have been to! And not specifically where I am going, just camp in general! So much fun! So I will try to take lots of pics and tell you how our trip goes with Ecing and just having a baby there period!

Oh and after that there is a possibility that I will be moving down to L.A. with my husband. Everything is all up in the air and there are so many unknowns but at the very least after the next 2 weeks we should be able to afford for me to go wherever her gets called to go to which makes me very happy! We might become a little gypsy family! We are even thinking about getting a mobile home if he is going to have to travel a lot! so we shall see!



Congratulations to you if you have kept reading all the way until the end! I just have one last thing to say. I wanted to offer to answer any questions anyone has about anything we do in regards to our parenting style if that makes sense. Or something you want to hear me talk about like co-sleeping, vaccines, babywearing...anything. I could even give links to websites i have researched or whatever you want. Just a thought. Goodnight! 

My 3 Month Old!!!

Sammy is 3 months old now!! I can't believe how fast she is growing up! She has changed so much this past month and I've been too busy to post about it so this might be a long post!


On the EC front, things are still going great! We have been having a lot more diaper free time and Sammy loves the freedom to move her legs around without any hindrance from a diaper. She is cuing a little different now. It used to be  mostly grunts but now she gives a quick fuss and waits for me to place her on the potty. If I miss the first fuss (or just am not paying attention) she will usually give another as long as she is not maxing out her holding capacity. When she first starting transitioning to this cuing instead of grunting it took me a couple of days to realize and we missed a few more time than normal. But now its usually very easy to tell because she's not a fussy baby. When I hear a fuss I know something is up and its usually that she has to pee!

Her holding capacity has gotten longer. I haven't timed exactly how long she will go but it is definitely longer than before. Sometimes when we are out running errands I am usually quite surprised to find a dry baby! And pottying in public is becoming easier for that reason. I did notice however that she stopped responding to the "psst" cue. I think its because at home we don't really say it anymore because she goes once we set her on the potty. But in public she doesn't sit on the potty so it takes her a little longer to realize she can release. So to remedy that I started using the cue again at home and it seems to be working. I just started this this week so not too opportunities to test have come up yet.

Night time is still the same. Still missing most of the pees. I just can't wake up fast enough and I am even making myself get up the first time i hear her but it apparently isn't the first time she fusses. Occasionally I wake up to a dry baby but not as often as I would like. Nights are when we use most of our diapers. As she gets older and her bladder gets bigger I am sure we will have more success.

I think I figured out nap times though! During naps she stirs but doesn't actually wake up (just like at night). Well I used to just let her stay down and sleep but she would just keep stirring and eventually wake up wet and upset. But one day I tested something new. I gently and quietly got her up to potty and then laid her back down and to my surprise she stayed asleep the entire time! Once she started looking for the boob after I laid her down so I fed her and then back to sleep she went! She had a 3 hour nap which was one of the longest she had ever had! It was awesome! So since doing that she has been napping much better and it hasn't affected her night sleeping. (She still sleeps around 6 hours straight at night!)

She has just gotten so big this month! She just turned 3 months but is about to outgrow her 3 months clothes. So sad! I am not sure how much she weighs because she hasn't been to a doctor. The last time we weighed her on the wii she was 13.8 pounds and that was a few weeks ago right before a growth spurt! She is so much more aware now and she was super aware before! Her face look older and she laughs at things now. She is so curious about what going on around her and she found her voice! Oh boy she loves to talk! But we think she might be shy because she talks almost constantly at home but when we around a lot of people or noise she is pretty quiet and just takes everything in.

 And she is rolling over! It is so much fun, I love it! Here are some pics of her first roll. Enjoy!

And she begins

Lifts her legs

Now to Roll

Bottom is turned.

But my arm is stuck!

Got to get that bag!

SUCCESS!!!

Woo Hoo!

And then she peed from all the belly pressure!

Cost Break Down

So I thought I'd give you all a cost break down of EC (with cloth diapers) vs. Exclusive Cloth Diapering vs. Disposables. Obviously everyone does diapering differently especially in the cloth diapering realm where there are so many different types of diapers. And even with disposables some people buy organic diapers that are probably the most expensive vs. store brand which are probably the cheapest, so keep in mind this is just a general estimate of costs. ( I got these estimates from http://www.diaperdecisions.com/pages/cost_of_cloth_diapers.php)

Disposables:
Average cost of diapers per child up to size 6 training pants costs $2,577.35 not including the cost of wipes, or diaper pail.


Cloth Diapering: (all not including the cost of wipes or diaper pails/wet bags)
Average cost using all sizes of prefolds, diaper covers, and the energy costs from washing $381.00

Average cost using all sizes of fitted diapers, diaper covers, and the energy costs from washing $1264.84

Average cost using all sizes of All-in-one (AIO) diapers and the energy costs from washing $1413.48

Average cost using all sizes of Pocket diapers and the energy costs from washing $1677.66

Average cost using combination of all sizes of prefolds, diaper covers, fitted diapers, AIO's and Pocket diapers and energy costs from washing $1468.74

Elimination Communication (for us):
Prefold package from https://www.sweetbottomsbaby.com/ (given as a gift) $255.00      
Included:

• 36 infant 4x8x4 unbleached OsoCozy prefolds, 12" x 16", up to 15 lbs
• 24 regular 4x6x4 unbleached OsoCozy prefolds, 14" x 21", 12-30 lbs
• 4 size small Bummis Super Brite or Super Whisper Wrap Covers, 8-16 lbs
• 4 size medium Bummis Super Brite or Super Whisper Wrap Covers, 15-30 lbs
• 1 roll OsoCozy Flushable Diaper Liners (which I don't use)

 Baby Bjorn Smart Potty (from Target) $14.99

Disposable wipes: Seventh Generation refill packages $3.99 (using one package a week) X 52 (weeks in a year, which is when I am guessing we won't need them anymore.) = $207.48

Large wet bag $9.99 (from Babies R' Us)

Small Travel size Wet Bag from https://www.sweetbottomsbaby.com/ $9.50

Laundry Mat Washing Costs (We don't have a washer or dryer so our washing costs are more expensive than  most) Average $5 once a week X  78 (a year and a half, I am suspecting that I probably won't be done doing laundry at exactly a year so I am giving a year and half for accidents) = $390.00 (This is an overestimate because we have been line drying a lot lately and don't always go once a week since we catch a lot of pees in the potty and we will gradually catch more and more)

Grand Total: $886.96

Keeping in mind that are laundry bill is pretty expensive at the moment and that I included a lot more into my cost analysis that the prefold diaper costs, Elimination Communication for us is WAY cheaper than just using cloth diapers or disposables. I am not sure if i said this before but the first reason we decided to go ahead and start Potty Training was because we can't afford not to. We needed the most cost effective option. Of course I had always wanted to anyways but the big deciding factor was the cost.

Just for kicks and giggles let's see how much we would have spent using even the cheapest cloth diapering method of prefolds.

Cost of the same prefold package we got as a gift: $255.00
Cost of Large Wet bag: $9.99
Cost of 3 Small Wet bags (Because we would need more without EC): $28.50
Cost of Wipes for up to 3 years using 3 per week (We would use WAY more wipes without EC...are you kidding me! Have you seen the poop smear!): $622.44
Cost of Laundry for 3 years washing 3 times a week due to all potty going in the diapers (the 3 years is the average age American children are potty trained): $2340.00

Total Cost: $3255.93!!! And that is just using prefolds!!!

So doing this price comparison has made me realize that our laundry is stinking expensive!!! I really hope we can move soon to a place with a washer and dryer! Which by the way, Chris just got a new job and it requires him to move to different job sites so we are going to become a gypsy family lol! Yay for getting to experience a bunch of new places!!! Sad for having to be all alone in a strange city with no friends or family. But yay that Chris got a new job!!!

Also I thought I would throw in another picture for you of another poop explosion miss : ( And this was done while sitting in my lap! I was clearly not paying attention to my fussy wiggly baby!!!

The Good, The Bad, and the Not so Pretty...

Her 2 month picture!!!

Sammy is now 2 months!!! I can't believe it. Technically she will be 10 weeks tomorrow! She is growing so stinking fast! Her little personality is blooming a little more each day and I love watching it.

The Good...
Sammy's bladder is getting bigger. She isn't going pee nearly as much anymore which is lovely since I am Infant Potty Training! I didn't realize how often she went until she slowed down! She is also not having poop farts like she up until a few weeks ago. Almost every time I would check her diaper she would have little skid marks from farting. But now she is better able to control her sphincter so poop only comes out when she lets it. And she is getting so good at cuing and holding it until i can get her on the potty! A couple of times she has even stopped mid-stream when I say "stop, wait!!!" and will finish once I get her on the potty. She definitely knows that pee and poop go in the potty. I don't even really cue her anymore to go unless we are out in public and on a toilet that isn't normal for her. She just knows to go by the position she is in I guess. All this is good news for me and our laundry bill! When I am home all day with her, we usually can use the same diaper the whole day!

It's still hard when we go out. We started using G-diapers for going out because they wick away the moisture so she isn't sitting in urine! Usually you don't want this when potty training because you want the baby or child to feel the uncomfortableness of being wet. But when we go out I am not always able to potty or change her right away when she needs it and I would hate for her to get a rash because of it. Unfortunately, Samantha is growing so fast the G-diapers just aren't really fitting anymore and we don't have the next size up.But thanks to her growing bladder she may not need the G-diapers soon anyways.

My goal is to have her out of diapers by 9 months and into trainers. A lot of babes that are EC'd full time can be. Actually I have heard that it makes it easier because you can't depend on the diapers anymore. So we shall see where we are at at that point, but that is where we are heading.

Finally got her in the back carry in our woven wrap.

This isn't about EC, but recently I have been learning how to put her in a back wrap. I usually wear her at least once a day while I do chores around the house or go walking but until now I have been wearing her in the front. This makes some chores somewhat difficult since she can be in my way. I have been afraid to try to carry her on my back but I finally tried it out. It was very frustrating at first! I almost quit a couple of times but I have succeeded a few times as well which gives me confidence to keep trying. If you baby wear I highly recommend getting or making a woven wrap and/or a mei tai. I have a Moby which is awesome as well but it gets so hot that I can't keep her in too long. Also, stretchy wraps can only be worn until the baby is big enough to wiggle around a lot because at that point they could flip themselves out. Woven wraps are much stronger for older children and are cooler. I'm not sure how long you can wear with a Mei Tai but they are even cooler than the woven wrap. I will try to take a picture of her in the Mei Tai. I actually made it from the instructions on http://www.grumblesandgrunts.com/2010/10/how-to-sew-mei-tai-baby-carrier.html.

The Bad...
We still are missing almost every time at night. I am just not waking up fast enough either by accident or on purpose. What can I say I really like to sleep! And when I hear her start to wake up I know if I shush her back to sleep I can get at least another half hour before she really wakes up. But then that means I miss her pees! Its actually pretty silly that I do that because if I just got up right away and peed her she would have a dry diaper so I wouldn't have to try and fumble my way through changing out the prefold. And I could then feed her and get back to sleep. But instead I chose to sort of wake up, shush her, kind of sleep for another half hour then have to get up anyways, really wake up to change out the prefold, then feed and go back to sleep. But try knocking some sense into my half conscious self! So I keep trying!!!

The not so pretty....         Warning*** if you don't want to see breast fed baby poop don't scroll down!***



Now that Sammy is getting older she isn't pooping everyday anymore. So every other day I am waiting for a poop bomb to arrive and hoping to catch it! But the first couple of times I missed! This is one of the reasons i am potty training her! Because I really really really did not like cleaning this off her! Blah! The first time it happened she was sitting in her Bumbo while I was sewing the Mei Tai. She gave a cue but I was concentrating and didn't react right away. OOPS! Then i heard deployment...Yuck! I quickly pulled her out in hoped that I could catch some of it but this is what I found!!!

I was so shocked and didn't know what to do! Then she wiggled her feet and hands into it! I wiped her hands then ran to the bath, and sprayed her down! You would have thought that was the end of the poop for the day but it wasn't! Later we went to my brother-in-law's softball game and she had another blow out! All over her pajamas!!! That was a nightmare to clean up because I couldn't just throw her in the bath that time! Needless to say I am trying much harder to listen for the poo cue because I really hate wiping poo out of all those cracks and crevices she has!!! It is music to my ears to hear the sound of those poop bombs going off in the potty! Never thought I'd be so excited about someone pooping in the potty!

My Birth Story

My due date, exactly 2 weeks before she was born!

3 weeks before I was due I began having some contractions that were more intense than the braxton hicks I had been having for months. I thought I would be going into labor soon. Weeks went by until my due date sadly passed while I continued having. Then I developed a horrible pregnancy rash called PUPPP. It covered my entire body except for my face. Nothing I did would make it better. I was miserable. At my 41 week midwife appointment my birth assistant put me on a diet to try to minimize the itchiness and it helped tremendously! But I was still very pregnant and ready for my baby to come! We started using black and blue cohosh tinctures to help stimulate my contractions.

 March 19, Chris and I went to our midwife's (Renee) house for her to put primrose oil directly on my cervix. While doing so she checked me and I was 6 cm and 100% effaced! We were very shocked that my uterus had done that much work and I wasn't even in labor yet. So we went home and tried to go to sleep. Almost immediately after laying down contractions began and they were good ones. I tried sleeping but eventually they became so painful that I had to move through them and obviously couldn't do that in bed. So we got up at about midnight and started working through my contractions. Renee came around 2:30 and then Rebekah and Kim (student midwife and birth assistant) came around 3:00. My favorite way of working through the contractions was to stand and put my arms around Chris' shoulders and moan. It was like we were dancing. I felt so close to him and I soaked up his strength! My contractions were strong but they would speed up then slow way down. Hours went by and the midwives decided to go home to rest and give us a chance to rest as well. I tried finding a good spot in bed to lie down in between contractions but everything hurt my back. The position I finally could find minutes of rest on was on my knees leaning on the birth ball with my bum up against the wall. My sense of time was completely gone! I was shocked when the sun began to rise because it had only felt like a couple of hours since labor had begun.

Chris and I got up, ate breakfast and tried going for a walk. I could only make it down our alley because it was so cold and I didn't feel comfortable moaning outside. The midwives returned and I kept on laboring. I felt good and was enjoying labor. I joked between contractions and then focused when they would come. But they were still pretty irregular. They would get down to 2 minutes or less apart and then would space back out to 10-20 minutes apart.The midwives went for a walk and let us labor alone. When they returned we were all determined to get this labor going. I was about 8 cm and my bag of waters was bulging. We wanted them to break so I would get into different positions during contractions and try popping it with my breaths. It wasn't working. The bag kept bulging further but still wouldn't break so they had me lie down and push during contractions. That's when things began to get intense.

I somewhat liked the pushing then because it felt different than the contractions but it also wore me out pretty quickly. Finally it broke!  I was checked again and I was 9cm with a tiny lip of cervix still in the way. My contractions were so very intense after that. I couldn't find any position that felt good. And my back was killing me! Sometimes it felt good if Chris pushed on it and others it was horrible. I felt like a deer in the headlights sometimes. When the contractions would begin all I knew was that what I was doing hurt and I had to move but I had no idea where to move to. I asked to get into the bath tub thinking that would help my back but it didn't.

This is when I hit my wall. Because I wanted to be a midwife  I have read tons of birth stories and almost every woman describes a point in their labor where they have to decide to let their bodies go and give into the pain. I tried preparing myself mentally for this moment, knowing that the quicker I could give in the better. I was trying so hard to give in to the pain but it was so difficult. In the bath I started crying and telling Chris about what I was feeling about giving in. He was so helpful the entire time! He was there at every moment encouraging me and supporting me in whatever way I needed him to. My midwives came in to offer some additional support and I asked if I was in transition.When they said yes I was very encouraged because that meant birth wasn't too far away. They had me change my breathing to blow the pain away instead of moaning which helped tremendously and they had me squeeze the pain into their hands.

Then it was time to get things moving. We decided to go ahead and let them try to hold the cervix out of the way to let the baby's head come down. They had my lie on the bed again and push during contractions while one of them would try to move my cervix. This part is a little blurry to me and all the moments run together. It went by so fast to me. I was pushing which at this point felt amazing. It still hurt but it was a different pain. It was an active pain from the stretching instead of the contraction. I remember in between contractions being so relaxed and almost in another world. Then the contraction would come and I would push with everything inside me.

I wanted to change positions because I didn't like the idea of being on my back but Renee wanted the baby to come down to a certain point before moving. At one point Renee had me open my eyes and focus on her which was actually really hard to do. I was in such a different place that trying to focus on the outside was near impossible. It was like trying to stay awake when you are exhausted and your eyes just won't stay open. Then she had me tell my baby that everything was okay. Later, she told me that the reason she did this was because Samantha's heart rate was low and she wanted me to breathe and calm the baby.

She started having me breathe through every other contraction to help her get more oxygen but then my body started pushing for me and there was no stopping. That was probably my favorite feeling of the whole experience. Feeling my body take over in pushing her out without any help from me was exciting! I still didn't think that she would be out soon. In my head I kept wondering when I would be able to get up and change positions. Then all of a sudden everyone was yelling (remember I was so deep into my head that I didn't hear a lot of what was going on around me.) I didn't know why everyone was yelling but I kept pushing with everything I had in me! Everything burned like crazy! At first I hesitated because I wanted the burning to stop but I remembered that I had to push through it to make it stop. There is no turning back. Then they placed Sammy on my chest!

 I thought I was dreaming for a second! I thought I still had hours to go! I was so excited that my baby was finally here! I can't remember if she cried right away or not. I just remember her wet slimy body on me. I loved it! She was born at 6:20 pm on March 20 after 18 hours of labor! I literally thought it felt like 4 hours! It went by so fast to me! I tore in two places but there weren't very deep. Only one needed stitches. Getting stitched was not fun at all! I could feel them stitching me because the medicine wasn't working. So I sang to Samantha to try to keep my mind of the pain. She loved it! Then we snuggled into bed as a family.

They cleaned everything up and Kim made us dinner. Samantha weighed in at 8 pounds 9 ounces and was 20 1/2 inches long. She was so beautiful to me! She nursed within her first hour. Her grandmas came over for a quick visit then we nestled in to our bed together. I barely slept that first night! I was way to high too sleep! Chris put her in his arm so I could sleep for a couple of hours. She caressed his beard the while time and he fell in love!

Day 3, we went on our first walk.

My 7 week old is trying to crawl!!!

She started out in the middle of her blanket!

So Sammy seemed like she had some gas she needed to get out so I put her on the floor for some tummy time. She has army crawled a whole foot so far! She has got her legs going and even gets on her knees occasionally. And she is barely scooting with her arms but its getting her moving! I don't know why she thinks she is so big!!! SLOW DOWN! I am not ready for her to grow up yet!!!