Trying to get back in the groove

Since we have been home we have been having quite a few misses. I went to my mom's Sunday and stayed the night and then came home late last night. We had lots of misses over night there. I think I was just absolutely exhausted and was having a really hard time waking up. I am still trying to catch up on sleep but Sammy still isn't sleeping as much as she used to at night. She has gotten a little better; waking up about every 3 hours. But oh how I miss that good 6 hour stretch.

Her bottom gums are starting to get a little swollen and mushier. Not sure what that means but she has been incredibly fussy today! It could be that she has gotten used to being held all day long from last week or she is teething. Not sure which or if its both but little bit is throwing icky tantrums left and right. It has been a pretty hard day today to say the least. Thankfully she finally settled down and I nursed her to sleep for her afternoon nap.

Hmmm, now that I think about it I  have heard other EC moms say that they start having more misses when teeth are coming in. i wonder if that could be why. I have also heard that some babies don't like laying down when they are teething... maybe! We shall see.

So that's my day, how is yours?

Kids Camp

***WARNING THIS IS A WEEKS WORTH OF POSTS SO IT IS PRETTY LONG...SORRY!***

Monday

Just Lounging around while I set up our cabin

So I made it through my first week with my husband being out of town. Each day got a little easier to handle being away from him but it was still a very hard week for me. Preparing and now being at Kid's camp has really helped though because there is just so much to do. Sad thing is that I don't have cell phone service here so I can't talk to him on the phone but hopefully I will get set up on the internet soon so I will be able to chat with him. (I am typing this offline right now in case there is confusion!)

This is my first trip anywhere with little Sammy Jean and especially my first time without Chris on a trip! So I can tell I have some things to learn but so far I am managing just fine. Thought I would share with you all about not only my trip but also ECing with Sammy at camp.

So yesterday we left and it was only a 2 hour drive I think but we had to stop twice. Once to get snacks where I found a wet diaper and refusal to potty more and the other to eat, nurse, and potty. She was wet then too but I didn't try to potty her until right before we left so she was probably dry when we got there. Then when we got to camp it was a little chaotic trying to get our room key and moving everything in while also trying to potty and feed her. I am helping with the snack shop so we also had to set that up as well.

Diaper Stash

 Thankfully I brought the wrap I am borrowing because Holy Moly doing this without it wouldn't be very fun! I just wrap her around me and go! I did however need to figure out  our diaper bag/backpack situation. I originally was planning on using my small Camelbak back pack with a couple of diapers wipes and nursing cover in it. But even those couple of things with the Water bladder just didn't fit well. Anytime I needed something I had to basically take everything out. But I also brought my normal size backpack as well that has a place for the water bladder. It carries much more so I don't have to try to stuff everything. It even fits my wrap so I don't have to carry it when I am not using it.

I brought all of our diapers down and I would have brought our large wet bag except that right before we left I noticed that the water proof layer inside is all torn up making it pointless as a waterproof bag. I am pretty sure I dried it too much. Now I know! So I just brought a couple of garbage bags to use as wet bags for now. I also brought a package of disposables… I know, I know shocking! But they are Whole Foods brand so one of the safest and I really didn't want to be stranded in case the cloth diapers just don't work out. I am not planning on using them unless I absolutely have to.

 So there are two locations that we are having the snack bar so I can sort of set up camp at the one indoors and will just have to transfer stuff to the other one when needed. I brought a stack of diapers inside so that I don't have to keep carrying so many around with me in the backpack. I only carry 4-5 with me. And I will just collect the dirty ones at the end of the day and bring them back to the cabin. Oh I also brought Ziploc bags to put wet or dirty diapers in during transport to the cabin.  So this is my plan so far and we might have to tweak some things as we go but so far it seems to be working.

Can't forget the potty!

Last night went great. I wasn't worried about her not being able to sleep because she will pretty much sleep anywhere we go. I really like that I have a take-a-long baby! She woke me up twice and was already wet but the other 2 times I caught before she peed! Although one of them was odd. I woke up and undressed her to pee and then put her on the potty. While she was peeing I noticed there was a wet spot next to the potty. I know I didn't spill because it was 5:30 am and I was pretty awake at that point with the sun already up. So I thought maybe she leaked but neither her diaper or her pajamas were wet. So I thought maybe she peed on her way to the potty but then I smelled the spot and it didn't even smell like pee. So I have no idea where it came from or what it was. Maybe it was spit up...Idk it was weird but I didn't care enough to investigate more so back to sleep we went!

Today has been much better than yesterday so far. I feel really sleepy though from the last two nights of going to bed late and waking up early. I might try to nap when I finish this, which is what Sammy is doing right now before campers come. Back to pottying...she has been dry all day I think...yeah I can't think of a wet diaper and I don't have any in the wet bag except for one that I actually peed her on when we went to Walmart. We were in the car and I didn't want to go all the way back into the store so I just pulled out a clean diaper and held her over it so she could pee. Kind of sucks doing that since now I have a wet diaper to wash but at least I caught it and she isn't sitting in it. I think there is a poop coming soon. She had a blow out 2 days ago and pooped a little yesterday morning so it might be time for one. All last night and this morning she has had lots of gas and every once and a while some poop farts but still no deployment so I am really trying to watch for cues and give plenty of opportunities because I really don't want to miss here at camp where I have no bath to wash her in if she ends up blowing out!

 Tuesday

 

Found a girl with this shirt! I love it!!!

Last night went great in the pottying realm! Only missed one pee which I missed almost deliberately. I think she is going through ANOTHER growth spurt because she was nursing all night long! She woke up at least every two hours and it was just wearing me out. So at one of the wake ups I just nursed her instead of also pottying her and the next time she woke up she was soaked! So needless to say I am pretty sleepy today.

Yesterday evening was pretty hard on baby girl. We had just done so much and she only got a good 1 1/2 hour nap which isn't very long. So by 7:30 she was just done. That was unfortunately also during the evening program session at camp where they are worshiping and playing team games and a speaker and prayer. One of the best parts. But another issue is that is was just so stinking loud!!! Way too loud for her to be inside anyways so we just had to call it a quits and go back to our cabin. I laid her down and she fell asleep immediately, poor thing!

Our outfits matched everyday.

Today has been great so far. She still kept having stinky farts all morning so I knew it was coming. Kept trying to potty and nothing was happening until right after breakfast when I took her there was a tiny bit of poop when I wiped so I went to red alert! We left to go back to town to restock on snack shack supplies and at our first stop I pottyed her and she pooped… A LOT! I didn't go inside so I had to let her go on a clean pre-fold again but it was still way better than an explosive diaper situation!!! Now it is nap time again and I am hoping she gets a much better nap despite the lawn care going on all around us!

All Blue Day!

Later on… So EC wise we have had an awesome day! I think we actually only missed once! I have accomplished this a couple of times at home and even on the 4th like I mentioned in a previous post but I wasn't expecting to do so well at camp. And the thing is that I am not even really being super aware! I mean I am almost constantly running back and forth all day and she is just being so good at not only cuing but also holding it. I can tell we have been at her maximum holding capacity a couple of times because she pees before I even say "psst". I just barely hold her over the toilet and she is ready to go. She is so smart! ECing her really has made this trip so much easier! Except for the occasional miss I don’t even really use the diaper bag for its intended purpose. I mostly use it to carry my water, nursing cover, and wrap.

Squeezed in some diaper free time!

On the other hand she is still wanting to eat very frequently when we get back to the cabin. Almost constantly. And we had to make another car ride to town and she cried in the car the whole time until we were on our way back when she finally fell asleep! So I am going to opt out of the car rides to town from now on. I am hoping to get to go on a hike tomorrow or at least go swimming with baby girl but we shall see. I am exhausted and hoping she sleeps more tonight with out her marathon nursing sessions. We shall see!

Wednesday

 

So early!

"And Daddy loves me"

Sooooooo sleepy!!! She fed every hour and a half last night! Definitely going through growth spurt. I can tell she has grown just by looking at her! Why is she growing so fast!!! My theory is that she is seeing all the big kids running around so she wants to grow up fast so she can play with them!

Still going great EC wise. Missed only once all day and once last night. 

So Big!

Thursday

 

Last night was a little better. She woke up every 2- 2 1/2 hours. I am still exhausted though. Trying to keep up with all the campers and their schedule but I have just been lagging. We did get to stay up a bit later last night which was cool so I got to actually hear the speaker before we went to bed. They were having smores last night and I was really trying to hold out for that but baby girl fell asleep in my arms and then woke up at the end of the speaking with red eyes. So I took her back to go to sleep.

This morning has been a little rough for her. I think she is teething still. She is grabbing my knuckle and rubbing along her gums all day. Unfortunately thought that just doesn't seem to do the trick! So she has been pretty fussy this morning. We took an early nap and missed the bulk of the water Olympics : ( And now she is taking her afternoon nap while the kids are starting to swim. Hoping to be able to help out at the snack bar some time today!!! Over all this has still been a very good trip and has definitely helped to keep my mind busy from thinking about how much I miss Chris!!!

All Pink Day! (Forgot to take pictures the other days)

Saturday

We are home now. Actually we got back yesterday. Baby Girl slept a little better Thursday night but I was definitely ready to go home! The car trip home was pretty good. She cried for a good half hour straight but it was totally a fit so I dealt with that and then she calmed down and eventually fell asleep. 

It was hard coming home to an empty house. I cried a lot again last night but then the Lord was so good to me. I started asking for joy even though I was really sad and he provided. I still really miss my husband but today I feel much better! And I am pretty sure Sammy is glad to be home as well! 

So over all we had a great week! It was a lot of fun and Sammy got to interact with lots of kiddos! I hope to go again next year when Sam is a year older and can do more! And ECwise it was a great week! And I still have a good stash of diapers left for a day or two until I do laundry! Woo hoo!

New, New, New!!!

Sorry I have been absent for a while. So much has been going on it has been way to hard to find a chunk of time to write about it.

First of all husband has a new job! Well technically he has had it for about 6 weeks or so but he is finally able to start working. I won't bore you with all the details (although I actually find them quite interesting but I don't think everyone will!) so basically he is a construction inspector. It was a miracle how he got the job and it was absolute perfect timing! Usually it takes 1-2 years to get this job and he got it almost immediately! However the work did not so we have been barely squeezing by with his part time job at Starbucks...yuk! And just when our accounts were running dry he finished the certifications he needed and was called out to Southern California for at least 2 weeks! Which is awesome and very sad at the same time because unfortunately we cannot afford for me to go out there with him just yet. So after 2 weeks we will see what happens. We are very excited for this job because it will allow us to hopefully by property and or land way sooner than we would have hoped for. We want to buy everything in cash and not get into any debt. This is very important to us and now we this is a near possibility!

But I miss my husband very very much! We have not been away from each other for a whole day since we first started courting in January 2011! And now he is gone for a minimum of two whole long dreadful weeks. This is not very easy for me. Actually that doesn't even sound accurate to what I am feeling. If you want me to get real honest I ache for him. I miss his warmth at night and his body up against mine when we sleep. I miss his hugs and his man voice. I miss having him here to talk to. I miss making food for him or cleaning for him. I feel like I am in mourning over him! It is very hard not to cry at any moment in the day. I yearn for him so deeply it hurts me so much. When we skype or talk on the phone I can't stop crying. This is very difficult for me and this is only the end of day 3. Each day seems to get slightly easier but it is still incredibly painful. All this may sound silly, especially to those I know whose husbands have been or will be gone for much much longer. Kudos to you all! I seriously have no idea how you not only do it but seem to be fine doing so! Eventually with what has been prophesied over Chris it is very possible that I might have to face an even longer time away from him or even losing him completely and while I ultimately want the Lord's will I pray that it won't be so.

There is a very good thing coming from this already that I realized almost immediately. At first i was almost reprimanding myself for being so attached to Chris but then the Lord showed me his purpose for my pain. he reminded me of when the Pharisees were asking Jesus why his disciples do not fast. And he replied saying why would they fast why I am with them. But there would be a day when he would leave and they would fast waiting for his return. And then in Romans 8 when it says that the whole creation groans and suffers pains in waiting for Jesus. I am feeling this intense groaning in my bones for my husband but it is for the purpose of feeling that pain for Jesus. I feel such a loss without Chris. My favorite part of the day is when he comes home and with him being gone I feel like my day is almost pointless. I am still serving him and honoring him by keeping our home ready for his return and taking care of his daughter but it just doesn't feel the same without him here. This lack is absolutely miniscule compared to our lack without Christ. And what I am feeling is so completely overwhelming I cannot imagine our true lack that we are suffering currently while we wait for Christ's return. I am so excited for that day just like I am excited for when Chris and I will be reunited. But our reunion with Christ will be so much greater!

The whole picture of Christ leaving Earth by dying on the cross and then his ascension into heaven and then his eventual return just makes so much more sense to me now. The Lord is slowly revealing more and more to me through each emotion I am having. While it hurts so bad it is amazing to see and know the Lord even more because as much as I love Chris, I am not living for him. I am living for Christ. I am suffering for Christ. I am groaning and suffering pains for Christ. My soul is anxiously waiting for the return of my bridegroom! This is so intense!!! I wish there were better words to describe it although it probably wouldn't make much difference since it is totally the Lord giving me this revelation. Anyways...

Chew, Chew, Chew!

I am almost certain that my daughter is teething! She has been showing signs for about a month now, but these last 2 weeks and then especially these last couple of days have been a bit more intense. Yesterday she was very cranky and at one point couldn't be calmed which is very unlike her. And touching her gums made it worse. Today I can feel a hard bump right where I think the first tooth is coming in and her gums feel different. Poor baby, I was hoping she would be one of the babies that teething doesn't really affect them. It is also hard on me because Chris and I don't want to give her any medicine. We want her to learn to deal with pain and not try to run from it. So I am giving her fingers and toys to chew chew chew! My knuckles have started getting sore from all the chewing! She seemed better today in her mood but I still am hoping that tooth will just come through already. Then we will have another new experience I am sure with her biting me while nursing. One day at a time!

Teething has made her cues to potty and nurse still a little hard to read lately. So for pottying we decided to start taking her every 45 minutes unless she does cue. And it has worked amazingly! Today she was in the same diaper all day long until I was on the phone with Chris and then she wet another one when we were serving at our old church in the baby class ( I couldn't leave to potty her so unfortunately she had to just use her diaper)

Still rolling over!

Last weekend was my best friend's wedding! She was absolutely beautiful and so was the wedding. I was her Matron of honor which was a huge honor for me! But it was another new experience for me. The day of the wedding Chris was so awesome and took care of Sammy all day! But he doesn't have boobs...in case you didn't know lol...so I had to nurse her every once and a while and it was never good timing of course. So she would get quick mini feeds here and there. Although she didn't seem to mind so much since she was having so much fun with dad and all the people she saw. But by the reception my boobs sure did mind! They were so full and hard and rushed to get my food right after the bride and groom so I could get some sweet release! It was hard splitting my attention between my friend and my daughter. Thankfully she also had her sister as her other maid of honor so I wasn't responsible for everything! I did make some pretty cute head bands that I learned how to do from a website linked from pinterest. I will have to attach pictures later!

Playing with Daddy!

So now I am trying to stay busy so that I don't cry all day long. Hopefully I will get in some sewing projects tomorrow! And then next week Sammy and I are going to Kid's camp through our old church. That should really help keep my mind a little distracted! It will also be my first trip of any kind ECing Sammy. But I think it will go fine since I won't actually be a counselor. I am very excited...I think I was born to live permanently at camp! Its probably one of my favorite places in the world that I have been to! And not specifically where I am going, just camp in general! So much fun! So I will try to take lots of pics and tell you how our trip goes with Ecing and just having a baby there period!

Oh and after that there is a possibility that I will be moving down to L.A. with my husband. Everything is all up in the air and there are so many unknowns but at the very least after the next 2 weeks we should be able to afford for me to go wherever her gets called to go to which makes me very happy! We might become a little gypsy family! We are even thinking about getting a mobile home if he is going to have to travel a lot! so we shall see!



Congratulations to you if you have kept reading all the way until the end! I just have one last thing to say. I wanted to offer to answer any questions anyone has about anything we do in regards to our parenting style if that makes sense. Or something you want to hear me talk about like co-sleeping, vaccines, babywearing...anything. I could even give links to websites i have researched or whatever you want. Just a thought. Goodnight! 

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My 3 Month Old!!!

Sammy is 3 months old now!! I can't believe how fast she is growing up! She has changed so much this past month and I've been too busy to post about it so this might be a long post!


On the EC front, things are still going great! We have been having a lot more diaper free time and Sammy loves the freedom to move her legs around without any hindrance from a diaper. She is cuing a little different now. It used to be  mostly grunts but now she gives a quick fuss and waits for me to place her on the potty. If I miss the first fuss (or just am not paying attention) she will usually give another as long as she is not maxing out her holding capacity. When she first starting transitioning to this cuing instead of grunting it took me a couple of days to realize and we missed a few more time than normal. But now its usually very easy to tell because she's not a fussy baby. When I hear a fuss I know something is up and its usually that she has to pee!

Her holding capacity has gotten longer. I haven't timed exactly how long she will go but it is definitely longer than before. Sometimes when we are out running errands I am usually quite surprised to find a dry baby! And pottying in public is becoming easier for that reason. I did notice however that she stopped responding to the "psst" cue. I think its because at home we don't really say it anymore because she goes once we set her on the potty. But in public she doesn't sit on the potty so it takes her a little longer to realize she can release. So to remedy that I started using the cue again at home and it seems to be working. I just started this this week so not too opportunities to test have come up yet.

Night time is still the same. Still missing most of the pees. I just can't wake up fast enough and I am even making myself get up the first time i hear her but it apparently isn't the first time she fusses. Occasionally I wake up to a dry baby but not as often as I would like. Nights are when we use most of our diapers. As she gets older and her bladder gets bigger I am sure we will have more success.

I think I figured out nap times though! During naps she stirs but doesn't actually wake up (just like at night). Well I used to just let her stay down and sleep but she would just keep stirring and eventually wake up wet and upset. But one day I tested something new. I gently and quietly got her up to potty and then laid her back down and to my surprise she stayed asleep the entire time! Once she started looking for the boob after I laid her down so I fed her and then back to sleep she went! She had a 3 hour nap which was one of the longest she had ever had! It was awesome! So since doing that she has been napping much better and it hasn't affected her night sleeping. (She still sleeps around 6 hours straight at night!)

She has just gotten so big this month! She just turned 3 months but is about to outgrow her 3 months clothes. So sad! I am not sure how much she weighs because she hasn't been to a doctor. The last time we weighed her on the wii she was 13.8 pounds and that was a few weeks ago right before a growth spurt! She is so much more aware now and she was super aware before! Her face look older and she laughs at things now. She is so curious about what going on around her and she found her voice! Oh boy she loves to talk! But we think she might be shy because she talks almost constantly at home but when we around a lot of people or noise she is pretty quiet and just takes everything in.

 And she is rolling over! It is so much fun, I love it! Here are some pics of her first roll. Enjoy!

And she begins

Lifts her legs

Now to Roll

Bottom is turned.

But my arm is stuck!

Got to get that bag!

SUCCESS!!!

Woo Hoo!

And then she peed from all the belly pressure!

Cost Break Down

So I thought I'd give you all a cost break down of EC (with cloth diapers) vs. Exclusive Cloth Diapering vs. Disposables. Obviously everyone does diapering differently especially in the cloth diapering realm where there are so many different types of diapers. And even with disposables some people buy organic diapers that are probably the most expensive vs. store brand which are probably the cheapest, so keep in mind this is just a general estimate of costs. ( I got these estimates from http://www.diaperdecisions.com/pages/cost_of_cloth_diapers.php)

Disposables:
Average cost of diapers per child up to size 6 training pants costs $2,577.35 not including the cost of wipes, or diaper pail.


Cloth Diapering: (all not including the cost of wipes or diaper pails/wet bags)
Average cost using all sizes of prefolds, diaper covers, and the energy costs from washing $381.00

Average cost using all sizes of fitted diapers, diaper covers, and the energy costs from washing $1264.84

Average cost using all sizes of All-in-one (AIO) diapers and the energy costs from washing $1413.48

Average cost using all sizes of Pocket diapers and the energy costs from washing $1677.66

Average cost using combination of all sizes of prefolds, diaper covers, fitted diapers, AIO's and Pocket diapers and energy costs from washing $1468.74

Elimination Communication (for us):
Prefold package from https://www.sweetbottomsbaby.com/ (given as a gift) $255.00      
Included:

• 36 infant 4x8x4 unbleached OsoCozy prefolds, 12" x 16", up to 15 lbs
• 24 regular 4x6x4 unbleached OsoCozy prefolds, 14" x 21", 12-30 lbs
• 4 size small Bummis Super Brite or Super Whisper Wrap Covers, 8-16 lbs
• 4 size medium Bummis Super Brite or Super Whisper Wrap Covers, 15-30 lbs
• 1 roll OsoCozy Flushable Diaper Liners (which I don't use)

 Baby Bjorn Smart Potty (from Target) $14.99

Disposable wipes: Seventh Generation refill packages $3.99 (using one package a week) X 52 (weeks in a year, which is when I am guessing we won't need them anymore.) = $207.48

Large wet bag $9.99 (from Babies R' Us)

Small Travel size Wet Bag from https://www.sweetbottomsbaby.com/ $9.50

Laundry Mat Washing Costs (We don't have a washer or dryer so our washing costs are more expensive than  most) Average $5 once a week X  78 (a year and a half, I am suspecting that I probably won't be done doing laundry at exactly a year so I am giving a year and half for accidents) = $390.00 (This is an overestimate because we have been line drying a lot lately and don't always go once a week since we catch a lot of pees in the potty and we will gradually catch more and more)

Grand Total: $886.96

Keeping in mind that are laundry bill is pretty expensive at the moment and that I included a lot more into my cost analysis that the prefold diaper costs, Elimination Communication for us is WAY cheaper than just using cloth diapers or disposables. I am not sure if i said this before but the first reason we decided to go ahead and start Potty Training was because we can't afford not to. We needed the most cost effective option. Of course I had always wanted to anyways but the big deciding factor was the cost.

Just for kicks and giggles let's see how much we would have spent using even the cheapest cloth diapering method of prefolds.

Cost of the same prefold package we got as a gift: $255.00
Cost of Large Wet bag: $9.99
Cost of 3 Small Wet bags (Because we would need more without EC): $28.50
Cost of Wipes for up to 3 years using 3 per week (We would use WAY more wipes without EC...are you kidding me! Have you seen the poop smear!): $622.44
Cost of Laundry for 3 years washing 3 times a week due to all potty going in the diapers (the 3 years is the average age American children are potty trained): $2340.00

Total Cost: $3255.93!!! And that is just using prefolds!!!

So doing this price comparison has made me realize that our laundry is stinking expensive!!! I really hope we can move soon to a place with a washer and dryer! Which by the way, Chris just got a new job and it requires him to move to different job sites so we are going to become a gypsy family lol! Yay for getting to experience a bunch of new places!!! Sad for having to be all alone in a strange city with no friends or family. But yay that Chris got a new job!!!

Also I thought I would throw in another picture for you of another poop explosion miss : ( And this was done while sitting in my lap! I was clearly not paying attention to my fussy wiggly baby!!!

The Boob and the Beard...or used to be the Beard!

So my dear Samantha's little personality is starting to show a little more each day. One thing she does that is hilarious but also frustrating to those she does it to is she will occasionally not make eye contact for anything! When she is not in the mood she will avoid your eyes like the plague and will look everywhere except at you! Unless you are the Boob or the Beard as my mom likes to say! The reason is because during her little eye escapism she will usually always look at me or Chris instead of whoever is trying to steal her gaze. I am the Boob and my husband is was the Beard. He shaved his beard this morning...sad day! I would post pictures of the before and after but he did it while I was still in bed!

Anyways, yesterday was day 3 of no poop! Chris and I made a bet for when it would come... and i won! Woo hoo! The prize is a foot massage, YUM! But the even better prize was that we caught it! It was an icky lava poo too that I am sure would have spread everywhere if it was in the diaper! Another reason to be glad it came when it did was intern theater was last night and I really didn't want to either be pottying her or cleaning up a poo explosion during the play! Which by the way it was really funny! If you live near Roseville you should see their next showing at the Rock of Roseville this Friday at 6:30!

As you can see in the pictures I have been pretty daring lately and have been going diaperless at home and occasionally even out of the house. I am not fully ready to ditch the diapers completely but we have been very successful thus far without them. Diapers are like a security net and without them I have to be on  my game or else poop and pee will be everywhere. When she is wearing a diaper and I am doing something, occasionally I will knowingly let her pee in her diaper. It isn't wrong since she understands that the place to go is the potty but when the diaper is off my catch to miss ratio looks way better which means less laundry, less money spent and a way happier baby! (Not to mention, her outfits look and fit way better without a diaper!)

So I was digging in my underwear drawer the other day and found one of my pre-pregnancy bras, oh my goodness! I can't believe how small I used to be!!! It looks like a training bra now and I wasn't that tiny to begin with. Oh breastfeeding! When my milk first came in days after she was born I cried! I couldn't believe how gigantic my boobs were all of a sudden! I felt so unproportional and weird looking and NONE of my bras fit! (Of course now I hate bras and don't wear them) But eventually i got used to the new aliens attached to my chest and now its weird to look back at what I used to be! The amount of bodily changes I have gone through this past year are crazy! I literally feel like I have a completely different body than before and it doesn't just look different, it feels different too. And now that I have a normal we will see how long until it changes again! I am already starting to not fit into the jeans I bought weeks after Sammy was born Ha! All worth it!





Another note I am having a REALLY hard time with baby wearing Sam on my back. And I mean a REALLY hard time. I have been at it now for a little over a week and occasionally I can get her on correctly but not consistently and I don't know what it is that I am doing wrong. I found a baby wearing group on facebook in Sacramento and am hopefully going to get some help because this is one thing I just cannot figure out on my own! I really want to get it right because I want her to be involved in what I am doing and the front wrap just isn't always practical. So Chris has advised me to take a break from trying and try to get some help then try again after a little while which is very good advice! I was getting so very frustrated that it was causing me to not think rationally about which just makes the problem worse. So for now we will stick to the front wraps until I can get some help!